Bloomsbury man makes historic contribution to Crisis at Christmas with magnificent gift to Greece
Art In Your Mouth
By our sovereign debt correspondents
Lucinda Leverage and Nicolas McMerkel
Saint Neil MacGregor, the quietly spoken patron saint of Bloomsbury today astonished the museum world by sending the Parthenon Marbles back to Athens.
As the ancient fragments were loaded on to the back of a flatbed truck outside the front entrance to the British Museum, Saint Neil took a small chopped shallot from his inside pocket and wiped a tear from his eye.
Visibly moved by his own magnanimity and clearly struggling to maintain his legendary composure, he clutched to his breast a copy of his recently-penned international best-selling blockbuster A History of the World in 100 Looted Objects Belonging to the British Museum and to Nobody Else, So There.
“Greece is teetering on the edge of the abyss,” said the frail Scottish saint as he watched the venerable ancient fragments being man-handled onto the back of the waiting lorry. Wiping his nose on a dog-eared replica of the notorious firman that had enabled Thomas Bruce, Seventh Earl of Elgin to desecrate the Parthenon in the early nineteenth century, Saint Neil’s voice cracked as he delivered a rousing valediction to the objects that have for so long mired his museum in ignominy and shame.
Falling to his knees, he raised his eyes to heaven and cried out in a reedy Caledonian brogue, “With these marbles, I beseech ye Oh Lord! Deliver the Greek people from the economic apocalypse created by the dismal hedge fund managers, financial speculators and hateful purveyors of Collateral Debt Obligations and Credit Default Swaps who still cast their dark spell in the Square Mile and in that other den of vice across the pond.”
At that moment the sky was rent asunder and an enormous shower of hummus, olives, retsina and overcooked spaghetti bolognaise rained down upon the assembled throng of weeping curators and cheering news reporters.
“‘Tis a sign! ‘Tis a sign”,” cried Saint Neil, beating his breast and taking up a copy of Museums Journal, with which he began self-flagellating.
At that point the van loaded with cultural booty drove off in the direction of the Eurotunnel as Saint Neil and his distraught staff staggered back to the sanctuary of their Universal Museum, swigging great draughts of Metaxa Triple X to alleviate the post-colonial fever spreading amongst them like an airborne virus.
Santa Claus is 103.
via Art In Your Mouth.